Marriage | Part 4 of 5
About this series
As my son prepares to get married, I’ve been thinking about what I would want a young man to know before beginning his own marriage. Some of these lessons come from Scripture, some from more than 26 years of marriage, and quite a few from getting things wrong along the way. This series is about the wedding, the covenant that follows, and learning to build a marriage that loves well, forgives often, chooses each other daily, and keeps Christ at the center.
Scripture: Proverbs 5:18–19
One of the things nobody tells you about marriage is how ordinary it eventually becomes.
That probably doesn’t sound very romantic, but I don’t mean it negatively. When you’re dating, everything feels intentional. You plan when you’re going to see each other. You make reservations. You stay up too late talking. You look forward to the next date because being together still feels like an event.
Then you get married and eventually life settles in.
There are jobs and bills and laundry. There are groceries to buy, things around the house that need fixing, and schedules that never seem to slow down. If children come along, life gets even fuller. Before long, the person you once rearranged your entire schedule just to spend a few hours with is sitting beside you on the couch while both of you stare at your phones.
I think that’s one of the quiet dangers in marriage. We don’t necessarily stop loving each other. We just stop being intentional about it.
Proverbs gives husbands an interesting instruction:
“Rejoice in the wife of your youth.”
Proverbs 5:18
I’ve been thinking about that phrase lately.
The wife of your youth.
There’s something beautiful about the idea that the woman you chose when you were young is still the woman you’re choosing decades later. Both of you will change. Life will change. The person you marry won’t be exactly the same person ten or twenty years from now.
Neither will you.
I’m realizing that marriage isn’t simply about choosing someone once. It’s about continuing to choose that person as both of you grow and change.
Sometimes that means protecting time together when everything else is competing for it. Sometimes it means putting the phone away and actually talking. It means continuing to date each other, laugh together, flirt with each other, and remain curious about the person your spouse is becoming.
And yes, I think it means protecting the physical intimacy God designed for marriage too.
The world gives us plenty of opportunities to direct our attention and affection somewhere else. Scripture consistently calls us back toward our spouse. Guard your eyes. Guard your heart. Guard the intimacy that belongs inside your marriage. Don’t give someone else the attention, conversation, affection, or desire that should be cultivated at home.
But I think there’s another side to protecting a marriage that is easier to overlook.
Don’t give everything else your best and leave your wife whatever is left.
I’ve certainly been guilty of that. Work gets my energy. Responsibilities get my attention. Other people get my patience. Then I assume the person I love most will understand why there’s not much left in the tank.
She probably will. That doesn’t mean she should always have to.
Maybe that’s what I’m learning about the wife of my youth. Rejoicing in her isn’t simply being grateful that she’s still there. It’s continuing to notice her. Continuing to pursue her. Continuing to make room for her.
A wedding gives you one beautiful opportunity to stand before everyone and say, “I choose you.”
Marriage gives you thousands of ordinary opportunities to say it again.
Keep choosing her.
Sit With This
It’s easy to assume the person we love knows how important they are to us. What is one ordinary way you can intentionally choose your spouse this week—not because something is wrong, but simply because they are worth choosing?
Prayer
Father, thank You for the person You’ve given me to love. Keep me from becoming so comfortable that I begin taking that gift for granted. Guard my eyes, my heart, my time, and my attention. Help me continue pursuing, enjoying, and choosing my wife through every season of life. Amen.
