No Waste in the Wait

I have had a pretty bad run lately. It has seemed like every thing I try to do fails and everything I touch just falls apart. Bad news after sickness. Sickness after struggle. Struggle after failure. The hits just keep on coming. We have all been there. And for most of us the natural reaction is to ask God why me, why now, and what did I do to deserve this? Even if your faith is strong, you start to question the purpose of this struggle. What lesson am I supposed to learn from this?

In the midst of my recent valley – I had a natural tendency to be angry with God. Here I am being obedient in every way, but still I am being handed loss and pain. But instead of pulling away, as I have done many times before, I pulled closer. I spent more time in prayer, in conversation and in His word. And while I cannot truly know if the struggle would have been worse had I taken the other route, I do know -without a doubt- that I have experienced a level of peace in my struggle that I have never experienced before. The true and absolute feeling of being protected. I felt the entire time that it was just a temporary inconvenience, that everything would be just fine soon. Keeping God close in my valley seemed to limit its depths.

I have written before about my calling to write this blog. I have written over 30 posts completely guided by Him and have used the words He has provided. So, you can imagine my shock when for several days during my illness and struggle I have sat here to write, following my same routine and rhythm and have been told to stop. There are a few half written posts in this notebook where I was articulating the thoughts that God provided and in mid-sentence the words were removed from my brain and replaced with the overwhelming need to push away from the keyboard and abandon that work immediately.

Leaving something unfinished is a real struggle for me. It goes against my nature. I have wanted to go back and finish those writings several times since stopping in my tracks. And each time I feel a strong conviction of “No, not yet. Wait. You are not ready.” I cannot articulate the feeling and the sense of absolute surety in the message.

Lack of patience is and always has been one of my biggest short comings. When I am certain of something, I get locked in and I do it, want it, get it, say it – right then and right there. But in relationships, especially with God, the timing that you want isn’t always what is best for the situation. Actually, in our relationship with God – His timing is the only timing that matters. And often, we can think we are being completely obedient by pushing ahead with what He has shown us or called us to – but He has not released us to pursue or progress yet. This is where He has shown me many lessons of discipline. And I often know this is the problem because one singular verse comes up almost every time:

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:” Ecclesiastes 3:1

This morning He added:

“No one who puts hope in you will ever be put to shame, but shame will come on those who are treacherous without cause.” Psalms 25:3

He is reassuring me that my hope and faith is in the right place, to have no shame in that. But to wait for the right time. This valley is a reminder to slow down and let Him drive. The waiting is not a waste. It is conditioning us for what is to come.

And since He let me finish this post – I think I finally got it right.

Isolation

I am no stranger to spending time alone. For years I have traveled for work and often spend time in hotel rooms lost in a book, movie, podcast, or wasting time on social media. I have no problem sitting alone with my own thoughts. But in those cases, there was always the option to have human interaction. I could walk to a coffee shop or restaurant. I could sit at the bar or in the lobby. But this… this is very different.

Since testing positive for COVID-19, I have been self isolating in my own home. Both my wife and kids have tested negative and we are trying to take every reasonable precaution to keep them from contracting the virus. My physical symptoms are not fun, by any means, but they are also not unbearable. I know that this virus effects people differently and I know that I am fortunate to have mild symptoms. I am very grateful for that. I am also grateful that my contraction of the virus has not resulted in additional spread. After contacting the handful of people that I encountered in the days prior to my symptoms, I am extremely relieved to know that they have no symptoms and/or have tested negative.

I am not here to tell you wearing a mask is right or wrong. I am not going to participate in the debate of whether this is real or some conspiracy created for – well for whatever the flavor is today. I am not going to condemn you for venturing closer than social distancing guidelines. But I will ask you to consider the entire consequence of your decisions, not just for you – but for those around you.

While the physical symptoms of this virus are manageable for me- the mental and emotional toll of this virus is something for which I was not prepared.

It is really easy to go back to the playground days, when someone would say that you had the Cooties and then everyone would run from you like a scene out of a horror movie. Only now, there is no circle-circle-dot-dot remedy.

It is really easy to feel abandoned by those that profess to care about you, because they just don’t know what to say or how to behave towards you.

It is really easy to feel like a Leper or a castoff from society as a whole.

It is really easy to realize how much you take for granted the quick touch from your wife as she walks by. The quick smooch on the way out the door. Or just simply being able to sit near her.

It is really easy to blame God and wonder why me.

But instead I will work hard. I will continue to rest when my body requires it. I will continue to read, write and keep my mind sharp. I will continue to stay connected through phone, text, or social media. I will continue to fight physically but, as importantly, mentally. I will continue to pray with purpose and praise with gratitude. Because this IS a physical and mental battle – and that is how I fight my battles.

I am not sure, yet, what God’s plan is for me or this virus. But I am sure He has a plan. And I am sure I want to be obedient. I trust that He has great things planned and this trial is just part of the process.

If you know someone in isolation – do your part to make sure they don’t feel isolated.

Stay safe.

Thirty

If two months ago, you would have told me that I would have published 30 different writings for the entire world to read, I would have never believed it. I would have panicked at the idea of coming up with 30 topics and enough material to write something anyone would even care to read. But here we are, post number 30.

I hoped that this project stayed fun and therapeutic for me. I hoped that some of my friends and family would read, chuckle, be inspired and enjoy. But I never imagined the traffic or reach that this would have, especially without much promotion at all. My words have been read as far as India and Romania and even China and Singapore. And I have received tremendous encouragement and praise from friends and strangers. I am so honored each and every time someone clicks and reads. And I am so humbled that they actually do.

But this is not, and has never been directly about me. I feel like this is part of my calling. I am simply a vessel. Honestly, most days, much like today, I start writing with no direction in mind. I simply do what I am told. I start every page with a prayer (that doesn’t get published) and then I write the scriptures that I read that day – and then I just write what God puts on my heart and in my mind. And as you can probably tell – I do not even go back and edit. What gets published is just raw thoughts and ideas furnished by my Great Provider. So – hey – if you don’t like something you read – take it up with the Big Guy.

In all seriousness, I cannot express how fulfilling this is. Not because of the accolades, which I do appreciate. But more because I am walking in obedience and He has shown me His favor for doing so.

For fun, and as a tribute to God providing 30 posts worth of material – I decided to research the significance of the number 30 in the Bible. Here are some tidbits:

According to BibleStudy.Org:

“John the Baptist began his ministry at age 30.”

“Jesus began to publicly preach the gospel at age 30.”

“Judas betrayed Jesus for 30 silver coins.”

“Jesus was crucified in 30 A.D.”

And for me and this post – this one really hit home…

“Part of the meaning of the number 30 comes from it symbolizing dedication to a particular task or calling.“

This morning, I am not feeling well and I wanted to take the day off from writing. Before I even had my morning tea, I opened my Bible and the verse I read was one of the most simple verses I have ever read. And oddly enough, I do not ever remember reading this one before, though I know I have.

“Do not quench the Spirit” – 1 Thessalonians 5:19

And with that, I started to write…

Thank you all for being a part of this experience.

Share it with a friend or share it on Social Media when the Spirit moves you. Help me share God’s word and lets see what God does through these next 30 posts.

A Job Well Done

Yesterday was probably the most successful day I have ever had in my career. My team accomplished things that made our company more profitable than we have been since I started with the company, almost 10 years ago. It took a ton of long days, tireless effort, and all hands on deck teamwork. I am so grateful for the efforts of those I work with and for their care and dedication. And mostly, I feel relieved that it is over.

Throughout the last few months I have been reminded several times that my worry and anxiety are not what brings success. I can choose to be absorbed by fear of failure or I can have faith in the Father (Matthew 6:26-27). I can live with apprehension of those who oppose my work or I can walk confidently knowing that God is with me (Romans 8:31).

This is not to say that I worked on this project with little concern about the work I was doing. There is a big difference in trusting in God’s plan and abandoning your obligation to work diligently, with all of your heart (Colossians 3:23). I still paid attention to every detail, dotted every “I’ and crossed every “T”. That is my God given responsibility. But I did not worry about the outcome. I knew if I walked obediently, the outcome would be exactly what He planned.

Faith is such a game changer for managing stress and anxiety. But it’s a practice that takes work. You have to work everyday sharpening the tools of faith (Joshua 1:8). Your life is always moving in the direction of your strongest thoughts. I am going to rely on Jesus’ Truth to fill my strongest thoughts. When I do this faithfully and successfully – life is just better.

Letting Go

My kids are already better humans than I was at their age. But that doesn’t stop me from expecting and hoping for more from them. My beautiful bride and I have worked tirelessly for 20 years to prepare and provide for them. We have tried to raise them to strive for better. Not better stuff, but to BE better and to FEEL better. We have tried to focus on contentment and doing things that bring them joy; to serve others as opposed to chasing self-righteous fame and money. We have tried to raise them to be independent thinkers and to do the right thing, always. And while they may make missteps along their paths, they are walking with Christ and are living the values we have tried to instill. They are great kids young adults.

Now, as parents, we are struggling with the transition from teacher, protector and provider to bystander. They are reaching the age of life-long decisions. They are in a stage of life where they must take the lessons they have learned and apply them with full responsibility and accountability. They are not yet fully independent, but they are emerging from the cover of our parental shield. And that is extremely difficult to accept and allow. It’s very hard to shed the role of protector and watch them walk exposed to the dangers of this world. Logically and mentally I know they are prepared. We know that they are far more prepared than I was at their age. We know that they have the Greatest Protector they could have, and they are far closer to Him and His protection than I was at their age. We know that they will make the right decisions, and when they falter they are prepared to handle it and recover. I know of this logically. Why does it make us so angry when one of them doesn’t do it the way we would? Why do we get so uncomfortable when what seems important to them, doesn’t seem important to us, or vice versa? Knowing, logically, that they are going to be okay and that they have a good foundation to build their lives on – why is it so hard to step back and let go?

I can’t help but think that maybe this is a similar to how God feels about me. He has given me every lesson He can offer. He has even provided a guide book. But He still watches with great concern and interest as I make my decisions, some good and some not-so-good. He probably cringes a lot. He probably shakes His head a lot. He probably gets worried and angry and concerned. He is probably tempted to step in and forcibly change my direction. But unlike me, He knows how this turns out. This is where I find great comfort with my children. Because I know that my children are His children. And while my job of shepherding them was very important – He will never forsake them. This realization is the only thing that makes it possible to let go.

I mean eventually it will make it possible, when I do actually let go… I would imagine.

We all need help

This time of year is by far the most critical and stressful in my job. The future and profitability of my company depends greatly on the success of this summer time deadline. And while there are teams of people working to ensure this success, it is my area of responsibility. If I fail to forecast and prevent potential problems, if I fail to consider every scenario, if I fail to be thorough – we may not realize crucial income to the operation of our business.

This deadline often coincides with my youngest son’s birthday. It falls smack-dab in the middle of Summer, when vacations are planned, fun is to be had, and family time is a premium. This deadline almost always collides with large planned home improvement projects or annual maintenance that requires my attention. All of these tasks would be enjoyable and things I would normally look forward to. But when accompanied by the high pressure and sometimes unrealistic expectations of my job deadline, they can feel crushingly stressful.

As with most of us, when I am under this amount of pressure, my fuse is short, my focus is rarely where it should be; I sleep less, I eat more and, most dangerously, I rely solely on my own abilities to achieve success.

In the interest of being transparent, yesterday I cut my morning quiet time short. Instead of spending my normal amount of time in God’s word, offering Him praise, and listening for His direction – I hurried through and started working early. I had far too much to get done, I had to prioritize and, God would certainly understand if I took a rain check. I had a really productive morning. I crossed of many things from my to-do list. But by mid-day, I was feeling crushed by obligations. For everything I crossed off my list, two more were added. I started to feel physically sick. I started to feel like there was no way I could get everything done. This deadline was going to come and I was going to fail. I lashed out at a co-worker and at my wife for no reason. I was starting to lose it. I canceled a meeting and closed my laptop, and I prayed to God. I thanked Him and asked Him for help. I took a few minutes to catch my breath and regroup.

Within minutes of returning to my to-do list, feeling much more able, I started to see wins. They started small but they just kept piling up. By the end of the day, I felt better about achieving success at this deadline than I ever have. As I moved on to Father and Husband tasks that evening, my success continued. As I went to sleep last night, I remember thinking how I totally killed it. I was on fire. There was a LOT of I and Me, and I failed to realize what really contributed to the productive afternoon.

Then, this morning, I was determined not to cut my quiet time short. I said a prayer thanking God for yesterdays success and asked Him to speak to me and guide me today. He clearly reminded me that without Him I would have crumbled under the immense pressure yesterday, a fact I failed to realize in my self pride last night. He reminded me that He is always here, and always faithful. He reminded me of the Power that I possess through Him. That I can achieve success, but not alone or on my own merit. He is in control and I am not. He reminded me that we all need help.

Below are the versus that he presented me with this morning. Every single one was exactly what I needed to hear. God is so good.

“But you remain the same, and your years will never end.”
Psalms 102:27

“In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.”
Ephesians 4:26

“I lift my eyes to the mountains – where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.”
Psalms 121:1-2

“I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands.”
Psalms 119:10

“For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self discipline.”
2 Timothy 1:7

“So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.”
1 Corinthians 10:31

“Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.”
Colossians 3:16-17

Freedom in Surrender

I am fascinated by the paradox of control. Some of us want to dictate every single detail of our lives. Some of us want to just go with the flow, and not make any real decisions. And none of us think that either way of life is great. For those who have the need to dictate every single detail, surrendering any amount of control gives them great anxiety and fills them with worry. For those who want to go with the flow, having to make a decision paralyzes them with angst and fear. So what is the right balance? This might be the issue at the core of many struggles in our lives. Finding the right balance, where we have self-control to live moral and righteous lives, but being able to roll with the punches that this world will throw at us, finding that sweet spot is key to our hope of contentment.

The irony of this topic is that our need for control might be the single reason we cannot find this pivotal balance. Those that need to control, look internally for the answer. They know that if they just work a little harder here, or tighten down a little more there – they will find the right balance. They are in control of the levers and pulleys, they’ll get it right eventually. Meanwhile, those that exclusively go with the flow just let the universe take over. Whatever happens will happen. They think that their decisions or actions have little to no impact so they don’t even look for an answer to the balance problem. The answer will happen to them if it is supposed to.

I believe, however, that the key to finding the right balance of control and surrender is found in the worlds greatest and oldest guidebook. When we truly start to believe and our minds are opened to understanding the Scriptures (Luke 24:45), only then do we begin to truly comprehend the balance between control and surrender; between self and Spirit. We have the gift of free will, so there is a Biblical expectation for us to take some control. Finding the right balance begins with controlling our decision to have faith in God and believe that Jesus rose from the grave. Exhibiting that control shows that we agree to surrender our eternity to God and He rewards us with a new Spirit (Ezekiel 11:19-20). From that point forward, the right balance is ingrained in us, but it does not control us. The Spirit is only a guide. So we still have to exhibit enough control, self-control, to listen to the anointed guidance from within (1 John 2:27), knowing that God will guide you along your road, but it is still up to you to drive. You cannot idly surrender and expect the Holy Spirit to completely take over your body and live your life on earth for you. And you cannot walk the path God has created for you while in complete control of everything. Both choices have consequences (Galatians 6:7). But- if you strive for the balance, have self-control and ask for His guidance in your decisions, you will feel supported but in control. I believe that is the balance that fills our hope of contentment.

One of the greatest lessons I have learned in my walk with Christ, is that there is incredible freedom in surrender. The tighter I hold on and try to control every aspect of my life, the more chained by my situation I feel. But if I rely on God as the filter for all of my decisions and choices, I feel free to choose a guided and anointed path. No longer confined by my life but completely empowered to enjoy it.

” So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.” John 8:36

Truth

We all hear that voice. The one that speaks directly to us, and nobody else hears. It whispers, it shouts, it bleeds in and it drowns out. It has the ability to grab our attention when we are the most focused and determined. It sounds differently to all of us, but it is always there. The voice that tells us we can’t. We don’t know enough. We can’t do enough. We aren’t good enough. The voice we hear speaks lies designed to discourage our hopes, and contain our calling. But it does not have that power on its own. The voice cannot do anything. The voice needs your action or inaction to accomplish its goal. Even though at times it feels like the voice has a mental stronghold over you, preventing you from your calling, you have control over your response.

To overcome negative mental strongholds speak positive declarations based in Truth.

The truth is you have a gift (Romans 12:6).
The truth is you are called (Romans 8:28).
The truth is you are able to fulfill your calling (Colossians 1:24-27)
The truth is you are fully resourced (Philippians 4:13)
The truth is you need not worry (Philippians 4:6)
The truth is you are powerful (2 Timothy 1:7)
The truth is you are enough (Genesis 1:27)

The key to progress is consistency. Do something everyday to replace the negative voice with positive affirmation. How do you do that?
1) Seek God FIRST everyday. Spend time in His word and in conversation with Him. Give Him praise and pray specific requests. And listen for His response.
2) Find specific truths to exclaim every day. Out loud. Positively. And consistently. Find statements that speak directly to the jabs of negativity that your voice hits you with regularly and are founded in scripture – that’s what makes them true.

I cannot speak to your voice. But I can share what statements I speak to mine every day. Some I have created and some I have borrowed from other places.

  • Jesus is first in my life. I exist to serve and glorify Him.
  • I love people and believe the best about others.
  • I love my wife and will lay down my life to serve her.
  • My children will love God and serve Him with their whole hearts. I will nurture, equip, and empower them to do more for His kingdom than they can imagine.
  • I am creative, innovative, driven, focused and blessed beyond measure – because the Holy Spirit dwells within me.
  • My confidence is in Christ and Christ alone. Because His spirit is in me, I can do to everything He calls me to do.
  • The world will be different and better because I served Jesus today.

Regardless of the voice of lies you hear, the Spirit of truth is inside you. If you allow your mind to be ruled by the Spirit you will have life and peace (Romans 8:6).

If we stop talking

For just a moment, put aside your politics. For just a moment, open your mind to ideas that may not align with the views you have inherited or grown on your own over your lifetime. For just a moment, free yourself from the predisposed point of view. For just a moment, put aside your anger.

Now imagine that you and your family are not free to make your own decisions, not free to go where you want, not free to say what you want. Imagine that you are forced to do work that benefits you in absolutely no way, no enjoyment and certainly no pay. Imagine that you are beaten at the discretion of someone else, with no form of justice or recourse. Imagine simply being bought and sold by other human beings. Imagine being treated like less than human simply because of where you were born and/or the color of your skin.

Most of us can even fathom the absolute suffocation of this situation.

While our Country has a rich history of progress and prosperity, we also have some really dark spots. Today is Juneteenth. Today should be celebrated as a day that our Country admitted and started to rectify a human rights violation that was wrong in so many ways and for so many years. This year, today holds extra significance because of the civil unrest and pain suffered my millions in the wake of countless injustices against Americans, or better yet against humans in America.

Regardless of your political views, or your upbringing, or your ethnic background – I hope we can agree that no human being should be treated as inferior. That no human being should be forced to live in fear of the government or organizations that were created to protect and serve them. That no human being should be forced to defend or accept the poor behavior of evil. If we can agree on this, we can carry forward with change.

Change doesn’t happen if we stop talking about it after the outrage has settled.
Change doesn’t happen if we stop talking because something else caught the headlines.
Change doesn’t happen if we stop talking because we are uncomfortable.
Change doesn’t happen if we stop talking because we disagree.
Change doesn’t happen if we stop talking.

Even as we act on change, we cannot stop talking. Ignoring a problem and living in angry silence is how division and separation grow.

If the idea of celebrating Juneteenth makes you angry. If the idea of peaceful protests make you angry. If you believe there isn’t a problem in our Country with social injustice. Or if you have hate in your heart for any reason. I want you to know that I have been praying for you. Also, I challenge you to admit it as a problem in your life. I challenge you to look for a way to replace the hate in your heart with Love. And I believe there is only one way to do that; invite the Creator of everything, the One who IS Love, Jesus Christ, into your life. But it doesn’t stop there. You have to follow Him and obey Him. If you want help with this transformation, I am here.

We will not always agree on everything. And that is okay. But if we can agree on basic human rights, we can right many many wrongs. And if we can continue talking we can accomplish real and meaningful change.

We can do better. We can do better together.

Love God, Love others.

Share Joy

Why can’t we be happy for the success of other people? Sure, we might pull for our immediate family, or maybe even extended family to succeed and achieve their dreams. But outside of that many of us draw an instant comparison and wonder why we didn’t receive the reward or achieve the happiness or earn the money, that they did. We are good people. Why them? Why not us? If someone earns praise or a reward, we sometimes use that as motivation to out-do their feat. And even more often we mentally (or verbally) downgrade their achievement by stating some advantage they have over us or some privilege they enjoy that we are not afforded.

This bitter comparison starts in early childhood, and is seemingly a natural trait that many of us suffer with our entire lives. I have lived with it for 40 years. Only recently have I realized the impact on my life. How these negative feelings and unhealthy comparison have been slowly crushing my spirit and truly keeping me from feeling any sense of fulfillment. Since my walk in faith began, I started to see the alternative. But I am still a work in progress. My first reaction is to compare and question anyone else’s success and especially their motives. But now, I am quick to realize the unhealthy thoughts and try to change my perspective immediately. It helps me to remember that their level of success does not directly relate to my level of success. It is absolutely possible that we can both achieve our goals. God has a plan for each of us, and He does not put us in competition to achieve the things He sets out for us. Our plan and path is ours alone. Knowing this, I can allow myself to feel joy for others while still pursuing my goals. There is so much peace in just being grateful for your own blessings, and being genuinely happy for others experiencing their blessings.

I want to challenge you to find joy in someone else’s journey today. And when you do- let them know that you are happy for them. Just try it, and if it feels good and right – do it again. Eventually, you won’t be able to stop. And then you will realize that sharing joy is even better than experiencing joy.

I would love to hear your story and experiences. Leave a comment below or reach out if this or any other post inspires you or if you have a story to share.