My Desk

My desk wasn’t always a desk. The main component, the desk top itself, is much older than me. It is an interesting collection of hand-cut hardwood planks held together by hand-forged metal banding. It was never intended to be a desk. In fact, it was created for a very different purpose. It was originally created as a ship hatch for a World War II Liberty Ship. I am not 100% sure which ship. But my research has lead me to believe that it came from the SS LeBaron Russel Briggs.

The Briggs was built in Panama City, Florida in 1944. She served as a steam powered Liberty ship moving cargo throughout the world until 1948 where it was laid up in Wilmington, North Carolina. The Briggs was then moved to the Hudson River Group in 1957 and from 1961 through 1963 she was commissioned to move grain. In 1970 she was returned to the Navy and on August 18th, 1970 she was loaded with 418 steel jacketed concrete vaults holding 12,540 US Army M55 Rockets containing Sarin nerve gas and one container of CX gas. She was then towed out 282 miles east of Cape Kennedy, Florida where she was scuttled in 16,000 ft of water, in a very controversial scuttling by the US Military.

In mid-September tropical storm Felice formed as a depression in the Bahamas. As the storm gained strength, it caused rough weather over the Briggs’ resting spot even though the storm later moved across the southern tip of Florida into the Gulf.

In early-October of 1970, my wife’s grandmother was taking a stroll on the beach in Ponte Vedra, Florida when she noticed a large piece of debris that had washed up on the shore. After closer inspection she realized that it was man made and seemed to be a hatch door of some kind. Because it looked “pretty neat”, with some help from her husband she loaded it into their car and took it home.

In the 1980’s, it spent some time as a coffee table in her son’s (my wife’s father) home. For many years this unidentified relic and pretty-neat beach debris remained in storage and in various garages and sheds stowed away but never used.

In January of 2020, the hatch door thought to have lived a life aboard a WWII Liberty Ship and weeks floating through the Atlantic Ocean was mounted to an adjustable desk base and became my desk.

This year has been a year like no-other. The world has seen a combination of stresses, illnesses, and storms like never before. Many believe that our old normal will never exist again. I have sat at this desk and typed over 30,000 words recording my thoughts through this year. I have sat at this desk while quarantined from my family. I have sat at this desk and watched parts of our country burn with anger and unrest. I have sat at this desk and prayed many prayers.

I take great comfort at this desk, as it has seen far more storms than I can imagine. And each storm has helped shape it and ultimately delivered it here, to me. I am using it to succeed in my career, build people up, and encourage those who need it. This desk is a sturdy collection of timbers – that man built for a very specific reason over 75 years ago. I am using for a very different reason. And this will not be it’s last use. It will live much longer than me and will serve many more purposes. But while it is mine – this desk serves a very functional use. It also serves as a reminder that God will use things and people in ways that we can never imagine – and even the storms serve as His vehicle to achieve His will.

“His power at work in us can do far more than we dare ask or imagine.” Ephesians 3:20

From Why Not? to YES!

One year ago today, I walked into the ocean with my wife and two sons. I stood there as I watched both of my boys be submerged in the waves and smiled uncontrollably as they were brought out of the water with new life. Then they turned to my wife and I and, just as my oldest son had led me back to Jesus a few months earlier – he baptized me and my youngest son baptized my wife. This was such a memorable and heart warming step in our spiritual journey that I will never forget.

I was baptized as a young child and I believe my parents arranged this because “that is what you are supposed to do”. But I had no idea what it really meant and I certainly did not have a relationship with God at the time. My father was a spiritual person but we never committed to going to church. We attended several churches throughout my childhood. Almost like a sampling to get exposure or even to check off a box. When I had children of my own, I wanted to teach them about God and Jesus, but I also wanted to teach them about other beliefs. My philosophy was to give them the information and let them follow their heart for their own decision. I cannot tell you if this good parenting or irresponsible – but I can tell you it worked out just like I hoped it would.

In my son’s junior year of high school, a college counselor recommended that he tour a small university in south Florida. She thought it would be a good fit, she warned us that it was Christian university but not to let that scare him off. Just go and check it out. Something was telling her that it would suit him very well.

During this tour, my son was enamored with the beauty of the campus, the friendliness of the students and staff and the small family feel of the school. During the last day of the two day event, they arranged for all of the students to attend a chapel service. During this service my strong willed and super independent son felt the presence of God and after the service gave his life to Jesus.

After months and months of convincing and maneuvering, he was able to get me to go to church with him. As a family we began to go most Sundays. I will admit, at first it was just for show – to support him and his new found fire. However, during one Sunday service, I looked down the isle and saw him and my other son completely engaged and thought – why not? Why not open up to this idea, what do I have to lose? Why not give God a fair chance in my life? Why not stop fighting the pull I was feeling every time we walked into this building?

My ‘why not’ quickly became a yes. All God needed was a little opening into my heart to start filling it. I got serious about spending time in the word and the more I put in, the more He poured in.

Every step in this journey has been eye opening and heart warming. Not every step has been easy – far from it in fact. But every step has been worth it.

As my son pulled me out of the water, I knew my life would never be the same. But I never expected the path He has paved. And I know He is just getting started. Looking back, I know there are events that have occurred that can only be explained by God’s divinity. And I will forever be grateful for His grace and persistence.

If you are reading this and you have not opened your heart to God… why not?

The Struggle is Real

We all have flaws and weaknesses. Some are self-inflicted and some are the result of the acts of others. Whatever the cause, they are there for us to battle and struggle with, and for many of us, we will battle our entire lives to overcome them.

For me, one of my biggest struggles is my extreme dislike of interacting with other people. There, I said it. While those that know me the best probably know this fact about me, but for those of you whom I interact with but you didn’t know this about me – there it is. As much as I care for you and love you, I am uncomfortable talking to you. It isn’t that I do not want to communicate with people, I love to write and have people read what I write. It isn’t that I do not care for the well being of other people, I love to serve people in various ways. But having conversations and interactions, whether it be in groups or one-on-one, is extremely uncomfortable for me. Not just feeling awkward, which it does. But real discomfort. If I know I am going to be in a situation where other people are going to be there and I will need to have conversations, I have symptoms of anxiety for hours before. Just going to church or lunch with a friend can ignite sweating and nausea. And I can instantly think of dozens of excuses to get out of the event.

I have tried for years to figure out why I am like this. I have tried dozens of methods and solutions without much success. Here is the rub; I know everything will be fine. I know that I will be able to carry on conversations and interact with people without issue. I know that nobody will know the turmoil that happens inside of me before or during our conversation. I know that I will mask it well, and that the conversation will not kill me. I also know that there is much to gain from each and every conversation – and I will typically just power through the anxiety. Usually I have a great time and love the interactions. Sometimes I don’t want it to end. Sometimes I spend hours replaying the interaction in my head and wondering if I did or said anything wrong or offensive. But I am always, 100% of the time, left exhausted. I am pretty sure it is because of the anxiety and anticipation more so than the interaction – but for whatever reason – even just a simple dinner with friends leaves me wiped out.

This has become a huge problem for me lately. As I struggle to find a more meaningful purpose for my life, every book I read or conversation I have about this leads me to the idea that I need to interact to serve, that I need to interact to build His Kingdom. So, if the meaningfulness of my life depends on interaction, why is it such a struggle? How am I going to serve with a full heart when I literally suffer physical symptoms just thinking about it? Can God really be calling me to something that is so painful or against my natural tendencies?

Yes. Yes, He can. And He certainly will.

In the book of John, chapter 9, Jesus heals a man that was blind since birth. His disciples asked Him who sinned, the man or his parents to cause this blindness. And in John 9:3, Jesus replied:

“Neither this man not his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him.”

I have spent so much time trying to fix this issue myself. I have even spent a ton of energy and effort trying to understand the cause and origination of this anxiety. But the one thing I have failed to do – is ask Him for help.

I think most of us are like this. We have a problem that we are so ashamed of or consumed by that we obsess over fixing it or masking it ourselves. And the healing is just one surrender away. He has the power and ability to wipe you clean of your flaws and weaknesses – He just wants you to ask for His help.

I trust God with so much in my life, He has never let me down. And every time I surrender one more thing, I think “this was what I was holding back”. But there is always more. Sometimes its because we don’t think the problem or area is worth His attention or time. Sometimes it’s because we are ashamed and don’t want Him to know about it- as if He doesn’t already. But for whatever reason, we all hold back something from Him. Something to handle on our own. Even after He has proven faithful and powerful time-after-time.

If you are struggling with something, join me in surrendering it to God and asking Him everyday for help and healing. If you are skeptical, try it for two weeks. For the next 14 days, ask Him every day for help with your issue, and spend 15 minutes reading scripture or a daily devotional. Be intentional to focus on this issue in your conversation with Him. And don’t be too proud to ask Him for help.

I would love to walk with you through this. Reach out and let me know your situation or the result (or both).

Everyone Gets a Trophy

Every generation thinks the one before lost touch and didn’t understand the plights our generation faces. And the next generation is soft and has it easier than we do. Neither thought is completely accurate. Many things are easier for each generation, but many things are harder or more complicated. One is not better than the other, but they are definitely different.

One of my generation’s favorite flaws of the generation after ours is the concept that everyone gets a trophy. We love to point out how that makes them soft and provides an irrational sense of entitlement. (Which is pretty ironic, because we are typically the one’s that organized the leagues for our kids to earn the participation trophies.) The concept is simple and probably has noble intentions; in sporting events or competitions, everyone who participates gets recognition for their efforts. The winner and probably second place gets a reward that is noticeably different than the participation reward, but everyone gets something. For a society that is forged by competition and being better than those around us, participation trophies seem counterproductive. But are they, really? Isn’t there a good reason to include everyone? Does it hurt the value of the ‘winners’ to include the losers in the celebration? Each participant still knows the outcome.

Let’s take this discussion away from the youth sports field for a moment. What if Jesus only died to save those who win at life on earth? What if you had to earn a certain income, serve a certain number of hours, or live a certain number of years sin free to earn salvation? Certainly, none of us want that. Certainly in this case, we are completely fine with the concept of everyone getting a trophy. And if you look at the person in the cubicle next to you and want them to NOT have access to salvation, you should probably check the state of your heart. And maybe seek counseling.

But much like in our spiritual life, there is a dark side of the participation trophy. When individuals rely solely on the freebie and minimize their effort because they know they are entitled to a trophy, it defaces the entire concept and belittles the effort of the rest of the participants. If little Johnny, ignores his team’s mission and does his own thing, playing in the dirt with no desire to expend any effort in the goal of the competition, because he knows that trophy will be just as sweet as the trophy he would get for trying- his sense of entitlement gives the entire organization a black-eye. God has more grace than we have sin. Salvation is a gift from God that you cannot lose or earn. But acting entitled to it with absolute disregard to God’s word and commands will certainly not earn you any favor from your Heavenly Father.

In this life, we should appreciate our participation trophies. But we should always strive to do better, to be better than just participants. Let’s contribute to the game, to the sport, to the life. Be good teammates, help each other achieve more than just participation trophies. Because, yes, everyone gets a trophy – and Jesus’ sacrifice to provide it was the greatest ever. But how many of us are going through the religious motions knowing that we will receive the participation trophy? It seems a bit hypocritical to take this position with something as important as your faith and then condemn an entire generation for their worldly entitlement. Christianity doesn’t stop at salvation -that is where it starts. Loving God and loving others brings real victory. Helping each other win over sin with love and compassion – that makes the victory even sweeter.

And if you are still concerned about the sense of entitlement that thrives in the generation after yours- remember three things:
1- your parents’ generation thought the same thing about your generation
2- your generation probably created the concept of participation trophies
3- what you see as a sense of entitlement might just lead to a change in our world that will be a far more inclusive, fair and equitable treatment of other humans than we have ever experienced as a society

And if it still bothers you – mentor someone younger than you. Be an example, make a difference. You might just learn as much as you teach.

Good Works

Since becoming a Christian I have struggled with understanding how the work I do in my career plays a part in building God’s kingdom. How can I possibly be practicing the values and teachings of Christ in my purely secular job? In what way am I making this world better? Am I wasting my time and efforts? Did I really just spend the past 25 years of my life building something that God cannot possibly use?

As I have struggled with these questions over the past year or so, God has repeatedly shown me Colossians 3:23 in various ways:
“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters,”
In fact – I recently had another post centered around this verse.
Because usually, I just accept His word at surface value and get back to work. But this time it hit me a little differently. I started to look back over my career and how I have progressed and achieved over the past 25 years. I have always been very proud of my accomplishments. I have climbed two corporate ladders. I have worked in the public and private sectors. I have lead highly effective teams in both arenas. I know that I have been lucky on several occasions – I have been in the right place at the right time. I have often thought that, for someone with limited formal education, I am surely trusted with important decisions. And usually those decisions turn out to be pretty good. But before today, I have never really given credit where it is due.

You see, this whole time, I have looked at this career I have built as something separate from God. I built it. Sure I used the gifts and talents He gave me, but I built it. And since I built it – what if I have made the wrong choices and turns? He cannot possibly want me doing this – when there are far more important jobs for His kingdom. Am I being disobedient by working in this career that I built instead of living a life of complete dedication to a ministry or working directly for the Church as a profession?

For someone who would give the shirt off of his back to help a stranger, I can really be self absorbed sometimes. And I never realized how self-centered my view of my career has been. I did not build this. I was merely an active participant. Every opportunity was provided for me. Every difficult choice was made clear and simple. Every promotion was earned by using gifts and direction by the Provider. He was there paving the way, even before I pursued a relationship with Him. This is the career and the path that He has chosen for me. He has used every step as preparation for the next. He has used every trial to prepare a triumph. He has used every relationship to sow a seed. It isn’t about the widgets I produce – He already has everything, He doesn’t need my widgets. It is about the processing not the process. It is about the production not the product. It is not about the type of work – it is about the good works.

This whole time, I have been focused on what I was doing and have been completely missing what He is doing.

I cannot tell you the peace that I have experienced over this realization. It may seem simple and obvious from the outside – but there was nothing further from obvious in my life. Often, even when we intend to fully surrender to God’s will, we keep that one thing segregated or off to the side. Maybe we do it because we are afraid of being completely honest with God – like He doesn’t already know. Or maybe, as in my case, we do it because we do not think it is important to God. Whatever our reason, refusing to surrender an area of our life to God only causes strife and confusion. And until you realize that you are chosen and important to Him, every hair on your head, every facet of your life – you will always feel like something is missing.

Do good works where He leads you. But most importantly, do good works where He has you.

No Waste in the Wait

I have had a pretty bad run lately. It has seemed like every thing I try to do fails and everything I touch just falls apart. Bad news after sickness. Sickness after struggle. Struggle after failure. The hits just keep on coming. We have all been there. And for most of us the natural reaction is to ask God why me, why now, and what did I do to deserve this? Even if your faith is strong, you start to question the purpose of this struggle. What lesson am I supposed to learn from this?

In the midst of my recent valley – I had a natural tendency to be angry with God. Here I am being obedient in every way, but still I am being handed loss and pain. But instead of pulling away, as I have done many times before, I pulled closer. I spent more time in prayer, in conversation and in His word. And while I cannot truly know if the struggle would have been worse had I taken the other route, I do know -without a doubt- that I have experienced a level of peace in my struggle that I have never experienced before. The true and absolute feeling of being protected. I felt the entire time that it was just a temporary inconvenience, that everything would be just fine soon. Keeping God close in my valley seemed to limit its depths.

I have written before about my calling to write this blog. I have written over 30 posts completely guided by Him and have used the words He has provided. So, you can imagine my shock when for several days during my illness and struggle I have sat here to write, following my same routine and rhythm and have been told to stop. There are a few half written posts in this notebook where I was articulating the thoughts that God provided and in mid-sentence the words were removed from my brain and replaced with the overwhelming need to push away from the keyboard and abandon that work immediately.

Leaving something unfinished is a real struggle for me. It goes against my nature. I have wanted to go back and finish those writings several times since stopping in my tracks. And each time I feel a strong conviction of “No, not yet. Wait. You are not ready.” I cannot articulate the feeling and the sense of absolute surety in the message.

Lack of patience is and always has been one of my biggest short comings. When I am certain of something, I get locked in and I do it, want it, get it, say it – right then and right there. But in relationships, especially with God, the timing that you want isn’t always what is best for the situation. Actually, in our relationship with God – His timing is the only timing that matters. And often, we can think we are being completely obedient by pushing ahead with what He has shown us or called us to – but He has not released us to pursue or progress yet. This is where He has shown me many lessons of discipline. And I often know this is the problem because one singular verse comes up almost every time:

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:” Ecclesiastes 3:1

This morning He added:

“No one who puts hope in you will ever be put to shame, but shame will come on those who are treacherous without cause.” Psalms 25:3

He is reassuring me that my hope and faith is in the right place, to have no shame in that. But to wait for the right time. This valley is a reminder to slow down and let Him drive. The waiting is not a waste. It is conditioning us for what is to come.

And since He let me finish this post – I think I finally got it right.

Isolation

I am no stranger to spending time alone. For years I have traveled for work and often spend time in hotel rooms lost in a book, movie, podcast, or wasting time on social media. I have no problem sitting alone with my own thoughts. But in those cases, there was always the option to have human interaction. I could walk to a coffee shop or restaurant. I could sit at the bar or in the lobby. But this… this is very different.

Since testing positive for COVID-19, I have been self isolating in my own home. Both my wife and kids have tested negative and we are trying to take every reasonable precaution to keep them from contracting the virus. My physical symptoms are not fun, by any means, but they are also not unbearable. I know that this virus effects people differently and I know that I am fortunate to have mild symptoms. I am very grateful for that. I am also grateful that my contraction of the virus has not resulted in additional spread. After contacting the handful of people that I encountered in the days prior to my symptoms, I am extremely relieved to know that they have no symptoms and/or have tested negative.

I am not here to tell you wearing a mask is right or wrong. I am not going to participate in the debate of whether this is real or some conspiracy created for – well for whatever the flavor is today. I am not going to condemn you for venturing closer than social distancing guidelines. But I will ask you to consider the entire consequence of your decisions, not just for you – but for those around you.

While the physical symptoms of this virus are manageable for me- the mental and emotional toll of this virus is something for which I was not prepared.

It is really easy to go back to the playground days, when someone would say that you had the Cooties and then everyone would run from you like a scene out of a horror movie. Only now, there is no circle-circle-dot-dot remedy.

It is really easy to feel abandoned by those that profess to care about you, because they just don’t know what to say or how to behave towards you.

It is really easy to feel like a Leper or a castoff from society as a whole.

It is really easy to realize how much you take for granted the quick touch from your wife as she walks by. The quick smooch on the way out the door. Or just simply being able to sit near her.

It is really easy to blame God and wonder why me.

But instead I will work hard. I will continue to rest when my body requires it. I will continue to read, write and keep my mind sharp. I will continue to stay connected through phone, text, or social media. I will continue to fight physically but, as importantly, mentally. I will continue to pray with purpose and praise with gratitude. Because this IS a physical and mental battle – and that is how I fight my battles.

I am not sure, yet, what God’s plan is for me or this virus. But I am sure He has a plan. And I am sure I want to be obedient. I trust that He has great things planned and this trial is just part of the process.

If you know someone in isolation – do your part to make sure they don’t feel isolated.

Stay safe.

Thirty

If two months ago, you would have told me that I would have published 30 different writings for the entire world to read, I would have never believed it. I would have panicked at the idea of coming up with 30 topics and enough material to write something anyone would even care to read. But here we are, post number 30.

I hoped that this project stayed fun and therapeutic for me. I hoped that some of my friends and family would read, chuckle, be inspired and enjoy. But I never imagined the traffic or reach that this would have, especially without much promotion at all. My words have been read as far as India and Romania and even China and Singapore. And I have received tremendous encouragement and praise from friends and strangers. I am so honored each and every time someone clicks and reads. And I am so humbled that they actually do.

But this is not, and has never been directly about me. I feel like this is part of my calling. I am simply a vessel. Honestly, most days, much like today, I start writing with no direction in mind. I simply do what I am told. I start every page with a prayer (that doesn’t get published) and then I write the scriptures that I read that day – and then I just write what God puts on my heart and in my mind. And as you can probably tell – I do not even go back and edit. What gets published is just raw thoughts and ideas furnished by my Great Provider. So – hey – if you don’t like something you read – take it up with the Big Guy.

In all seriousness, I cannot express how fulfilling this is. Not because of the accolades, which I do appreciate. But more because I am walking in obedience and He has shown me His favor for doing so.

For fun, and as a tribute to God providing 30 posts worth of material – I decided to research the significance of the number 30 in the Bible. Here are some tidbits:

According to BibleStudy.Org:

“John the Baptist began his ministry at age 30.”

“Jesus began to publicly preach the gospel at age 30.”

“Judas betrayed Jesus for 30 silver coins.”

“Jesus was crucified in 30 A.D.”

And for me and this post – this one really hit home…

“Part of the meaning of the number 30 comes from it symbolizing dedication to a particular task or calling.“

This morning, I am not feeling well and I wanted to take the day off from writing. Before I even had my morning tea, I opened my Bible and the verse I read was one of the most simple verses I have ever read. And oddly enough, I do not ever remember reading this one before, though I know I have.

“Do not quench the Spirit” – 1 Thessalonians 5:19

And with that, I started to write…

Thank you all for being a part of this experience.

Share it with a friend or share it on Social Media when the Spirit moves you. Help me share God’s word and lets see what God does through these next 30 posts.

A Job Well Done

Yesterday was probably the most successful day I have ever had in my career. My team accomplished things that made our company more profitable than we have been since I started with the company, almost 10 years ago. It took a ton of long days, tireless effort, and all hands on deck teamwork. I am so grateful for the efforts of those I work with and for their care and dedication. And mostly, I feel relieved that it is over.

Throughout the last few months I have been reminded several times that my worry and anxiety are not what brings success. I can choose to be absorbed by fear of failure or I can have faith in the Father (Matthew 6:26-27). I can live with apprehension of those who oppose my work or I can walk confidently knowing that God is with me (Romans 8:31).

This is not to say that I worked on this project with little concern about the work I was doing. There is a big difference in trusting in God’s plan and abandoning your obligation to work diligently, with all of your heart (Colossians 3:23). I still paid attention to every detail, dotted every “I’ and crossed every “T”. That is my God given responsibility. But I did not worry about the outcome. I knew if I walked obediently, the outcome would be exactly what He planned.

Faith is such a game changer for managing stress and anxiety. But it’s a practice that takes work. You have to work everyday sharpening the tools of faith (Joshua 1:8). Your life is always moving in the direction of your strongest thoughts. I am going to rely on Jesus’ Truth to fill my strongest thoughts. When I do this faithfully and successfully – life is just better.

Letting Go

My kids are already better humans than I was at their age. But that doesn’t stop me from expecting and hoping for more from them. My beautiful bride and I have worked tirelessly for 20 years to prepare and provide for them. We have tried to raise them to strive for better. Not better stuff, but to BE better and to FEEL better. We have tried to focus on contentment and doing things that bring them joy; to serve others as opposed to chasing self-righteous fame and money. We have tried to raise them to be independent thinkers and to do the right thing, always. And while they may make missteps along their paths, they are walking with Christ and are living the values we have tried to instill. They are great kids young adults.

Now, as parents, we are struggling with the transition from teacher, protector and provider to bystander. They are reaching the age of life-long decisions. They are in a stage of life where they must take the lessons they have learned and apply them with full responsibility and accountability. They are not yet fully independent, but they are emerging from the cover of our parental shield. And that is extremely difficult to accept and allow. It’s very hard to shed the role of protector and watch them walk exposed to the dangers of this world. Logically and mentally I know they are prepared. We know that they are far more prepared than I was at their age. We know that they have the Greatest Protector they could have, and they are far closer to Him and His protection than I was at their age. We know that they will make the right decisions, and when they falter they are prepared to handle it and recover. I know of this logically. Why does it make us so angry when one of them doesn’t do it the way we would? Why do we get so uncomfortable when what seems important to them, doesn’t seem important to us, or vice versa? Knowing, logically, that they are going to be okay and that they have a good foundation to build their lives on – why is it so hard to step back and let go?

I can’t help but think that maybe this is a similar to how God feels about me. He has given me every lesson He can offer. He has even provided a guide book. But He still watches with great concern and interest as I make my decisions, some good and some not-so-good. He probably cringes a lot. He probably shakes His head a lot. He probably gets worried and angry and concerned. He is probably tempted to step in and forcibly change my direction. But unlike me, He knows how this turns out. This is where I find great comfort with my children. Because I know that my children are His children. And while my job of shepherding them was very important – He will never forsake them. This realization is the only thing that makes it possible to let go.

I mean eventually it will make it possible, when I do actually let go… I would imagine.