I have had a pretty bad run lately. It has seemed like every thing I try to do fails and everything I touch just falls apart. Bad news after sickness. Sickness after struggle. Struggle after failure. The hits just keep on coming. We have all been there. And for most of us the natural reaction is to ask God why me, why now, and what did I do to deserve this? Even if your faith is strong, you start to question the purpose of this struggle. What lesson am I supposed to learn from this?
In the midst of my recent valley – I had a natural tendency to be angry with God. Here I am being obedient in every way, but still I am being handed loss and pain. But instead of pulling away, as I have done many times before, I pulled closer. I spent more time in prayer, in conversation and in His word. And while I cannot truly know if the struggle would have been worse had I taken the other route, I do know -without a doubt- that I have experienced a level of peace in my struggle that I have never experienced before. The true and absolute feeling of being protected. I felt the entire time that it was just a temporary inconvenience, that everything would be just fine soon. Keeping God close in my valley seemed to limit its depths.
I have written before about my calling to write this blog. I have written over 30 posts completely guided by Him and have used the words He has provided. So, you can imagine my shock when for several days during my illness and struggle I have sat here to write, following my same routine and rhythm and have been told to stop. There are a few half written posts in this notebook where I was articulating the thoughts that God provided and in mid-sentence the words were removed from my brain and replaced with the overwhelming need to push away from the keyboard and abandon that work immediately.
Leaving something unfinished is a real struggle for me. It goes against my nature. I have wanted to go back and finish those writings several times since stopping in my tracks. And each time I feel a strong conviction of “No, not yet. Wait. You are not ready.” I cannot articulate the feeling and the sense of absolute surety in the message.
Lack of patience is and always has been one of my biggest short comings. When I am certain of something, I get locked in and I do it, want it, get it, say it – right then and right there. But in relationships, especially with God, the timing that you want isn’t always what is best for the situation. Actually, in our relationship with God – His timing is the only timing that matters. And often, we can think we are being completely obedient by pushing ahead with what He has shown us or called us to – but He has not released us to pursue or progress yet. This is where He has shown me many lessons of discipline. And I often know this is the problem because one singular verse comes up almost every time:
“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:” Ecclesiastes 3:1
This morning He added:
“No one who puts hope in you will ever be put to shame, but shame will come on those who are treacherous without cause.” Psalms 25:3
He is reassuring me that my hope and faith is in the right place, to have no shame in that. But to wait for the right time. This valley is a reminder to slow down and let Him drive. The waiting is not a waste. It is conditioning us for what is to come.
And since He let me finish this post – I think I finally got it right.
Dadvotionals 