Sometimes I get overwhelmed. Not just stressed. But completely paralyzed by the weight of everything that depends on me or my action. I feel like the worlds worst bottleneck. Countless decisions or tasks that require my immediate attention. Every direction I turn, there is another task to do or another decision to make. Occasionally, this leads me to rebel and just refuse to decide or do anything, thus compounding the problem. Leaving me feeling weak and powerless.
This has been an issue for me for as long as I can remember. Even some of my earliest memories, I can remember feeling so overwhelmed with school assignments that I would just refuse to get out of bed some mornings. Eventually, I realized that allowing paralyzing anxiety to stop me from doing anything only compounded the problem. I found that I needed to compartmentalize and prioritize. I started doing just one thing at a time and tried not to allow the totality of everything in front of me to swallow me whole. This works well to accomplish the tasks and make the decisions that I have to do and make on most days. But it does not speak to the emotion and mental expense of overwhelming anxiety and stress.
Most of the time I could hide the emotional side of my issue. Those closest to me might not even notice. Sometimes they would just think I was in a bad mood or cranky. But inside the darkness and pressure was crushing my spirit and making me feel helpless and hopeless. I never wanted to admit this issue because I viewed it as my weakness, or my brokenness. It wasn’t until the last couple of years that I started to find some relief. Once I allowed Jesus into my life, I found a filter through which all decisions and tasks could be processed. Developing my relationship with God gave me a way to prioritize the issues that were tugging at me from every direction. Now I require that any major decision that I make or task that I do goes through some Biblical vetting.
First I decide if the task or result of the decision can bring glory to God or help build His Kingdom. If the answer is no, it falls down the list or off the list. If the answer is yes, then I evaluate the impact.
- If the impact of the task or decision is kind, compassionate, humble, honest, encouraging, or loving – I will either do it right then or schedule it.
- If it is self-serving or brings others pain or concern – I drop it from the to-do list.
- If it is unclear which category this may fall in, I postpone it until I can decide which group it falls into.
This works really well for me, most of the time. Probably because it removes the pressure of being the bottleneck from me, and instead I rely on God for strength- which increases my ability exponentially (Isaiah 40:29). When this plan fails me it is usually because I am struggling with my relationship with God. Either I have slacked off on my quiet time and prayer time, or I have acted disobediently. But instead of allowing my anxiety and stress to paralyze me, I know that all I need to do is pull closer to Him and refocus on that relationship, and I will get back on track (2 Thessalonians 3:3). Sometimes recovery takes hours and sometimes its days, but pulling closer to Him has never failed me.
I am not going to claim that my methodology is flawless and can fix everyone’s problems. But it works for me, and today – I was compelled to share it. However, if you are struggling and you cannot find relief it is important for you to understand that you are not alone. Please, talk to someone. There are several ways to reach me, if you need someone to talk to, please reach out.
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